


Moonstruck

by bruisedwings



Category: poem - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Love Poems, Other, Poetic, Poetry, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:34:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28807404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruisedwings/pseuds/bruisedwings
Summary: probably my rant book written in flowery language, all raw from my soul.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 1





	1. Moonstruck

unable to think or act normally,  
especially because of being in love

●●●

to the love I strived to fight for,

end up losing myself in the process

end up losing a battle that never started

a scenario I could never escape

a flight we could never go back to

a reality that only lived in my head

●●●

last letter to my first.

Author's note:

All rights reserved. Every single part of this book belongs to me. This is my first ever book so please bear with me.  
This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

\---------------------------------------------------------

NOT YET EDITED (Idk, I'm literally typing what's on my mind on the spot)


	2. Alew

in this catastrophe, the chaos we have made

once a universe we built, once a home we lived in

once a paradise and we watched it burn down to our feet

I try to pick up remaining pieces of your undying love for me

but everything turns to ashes before I could touch it

I stood still, I have lost my hearing as my heart beats slow and hard

a reflection of myself in the water that fell from eyes

I jumped as if I would be living in a different dimension

hoping to see you, to revive the dying light from the corner of my heart

as if your touch will relieve every pain that I have been carrying

I closed my eyes, everything has lost its meaning.


	3. Nubivagant

she is an angel kissing the clouds below

holding her breath as the rain gets heavier

but wings way too weak to keep herself from above

and so she lets go, rainbow splashed across

trepidation was replaced with solace


	4. Abode

withdrawing where the stars take me

tears and pain but celestial and fantasy

I want to see you smile, cheeks full of love

you are so holy, angelic, a creature of light

being quite the opposite, you gift me back life


	5. Finifugal

foot chained on the ground as I held the universe

this endless pain and the only thing I feel is hiraeth 

your words rang in my head singing out our kisses from last night

the ugly years of being a fool, ain't love meant to be exquisitely beautiful


	6. Absence

every note of the song, every corner of this home, reminds me of you

I feel so empty like a shell at the bottom of the sea

holding on to nothing, slowly losing hope

my heart never stopped bleeding,

letting you go was painful

but not as painful as staying somewhere I don't belong

its insane how I can't have the only thing I desire

I want you to look at me like I'm the most valuable thing in this world you're so afraid to lose

I want you to say you want me too but its just dream

to be held by you, to be yours and you to be mine

one of the million wishes that never happened

far too gone to be possible and everyday I'm still praying to,

even if the truth lies infront of me.


	7. Gumusservi

it had been pouring rain for days

how did the universe come up with you?

and why am I next to you?

our hands holding as we look at the sky

watching the stars

that's when I knew that stars are awesome


	8. Lovesick

you became the light and the walls of this house

the blanket that made me feel safe and warm

nothing could be worse if I'm in your arms

but we welcomed the hurricane

everything was so fleeting,

we were once full of love

but why are we always hurting?

we were blinded to think this is what home feels like

but to me you were what home I think feels like


	9. Distance

mornings with your texts, nights with your cuddles

countless forehead kisses, rainbows and butterflies

painted smiles after tears, lies for temporary happiness

but I don't know which hurts more,

that none of it was genuine,

or because I'll always choose to be a fool for you


	10. Ephemeral

we rode a boat and stayed in the middle of nowhere,

holding each other while sunrays are kissing our faces,

exchanging stories as your head rests on my shoulder,

watching the sunset as the light, is slowly fading away

we stayed from dusk till dawn, not worrying where we are

not worrying about tomorrow 'cause what we have is now

but the storm came, slowly, we drifted apart

I couldn't figure out your muffled screams,

you disappeared into the depths of the sea

you have found the shore while I was still drowning

I let myself sink into the water, til I touched the sand

there, was buried the dreams we once promised,

I lost you, but we escaped and I was able to breathe

pain subdued, far lesser than what we had there

my heart searches for you, but I didn't look back

'cause nothing is left but waves of memories.


	11. Anagapesis

head full of phrases, speaking all at the same time

uncontrollable as I tried to piece together

with all the mess, it no longer made sense

aside from your last words that marked the end of me,

it started the becoming of a better me,

of course I'm going to be fine sunshine,

everytime I miss you, everytime I want you back,

you left me countless reasons not to

and I never thought I needed that


	12. Exulansis

one way ticket in this journey and,

you tasted like forever in fleeting moments

hopped in a ride but eventually took off separately

but its not about what could have been,

its about it happened because it did.

but if I'll be given a chance to go back,

I'd still choose you to be my mistake

would still choose to be broken twice,

if it meant for me to feel that type of love again

but stuck to never hurting you again


	13. Natsukashii

the coffee she lingers over, books she'd love to read

the war and amusing imaginations inside her head

her smiling when singing as you can tell,

all three thousand miles away.


	14. Caim

one ordinary day, or at least it was

walking down, dry leaves on the pavement

nothing in my head but our convo from last night

tiny voice, three words, heart skipped a beat,

even the people from afar,

could hear the sound of my heartbeat

for the first time, I heard you say,

I love you.


	15. Sweven

those eyes staring at me, seemed to swirl around like a raging tempest

you should be careful as it threathens to bring destruction at any moment

but for some reasons there was such a hopelessness behind that cold stare

a mere memory showing or perhaps a shadow of someone, wandering aimlessly


	16. Wounded

praying for every tear I shed each day that I'll be able to repay,

blaming and hating myself for all the baggage I carry,

I promise to you, I cried a river, I punish myself everyday

as if its never enough but at the end of the day,

you have contributed to the suffering of my heart as well..


	17. Habromania

kisses, your addictive kisses,

flowers spitting from your mouth

whispers, a paradise to my ears

you were holding me softly,

until I gasp for air,

I bleed with your touch,

as I let it burn me


	18. Over

you've brought waves on my domain

an uninvited who crashed my place

and you let it swallow me

you gave away the key I entrusted you

for that I could burn down the city,

in a flick of my finger and blink of an eye

like what you've been praying exactly,

where your dreams and hope were caged

the things you would lose in an instant,

if only I posses my senses and not blind

still I didn't, but I declare it as unfinished


	19. Watch

I have always worn my horn like a crown

been fearless and never hid my untamed tail

I was fascniated at your courage to end me but fail

careful little lamb, you're walking in the mud

it is not my life you should worry about but yours

cause of the both of us? I'm not scared to lose and fall


	20. Loss

storm came, still I collected the mail I had received

and distributed it to every single person in my field

none closed the door and even offer a home

then I realized who's far more worthy now

and its a surprise that it didn't rhyme your name


	21. Paradise

In the night I dream of holding you,

looking peaceful with war inside your head

I wanna plant flowers in your skin,

and they will bloom everytime you smile

I wanna water all of you with my kisses,

and turn your sobs in lullabies

dear princess, you're not just a mere someone

but the forest I could always get lost to

the ocean I could never explore,

you are a flower full of thorns I choose to touch,

you are the world I can't live in but can't live without


	22. Destiny

written in the sky were our promises

but wind took all our dreams way too high

if it's meant to be, it would stay where it is now

remember what's a week ago is different to what is now

world changes as the people change and so are the feelings

what you call love is suppose not to hurt,

so if it does, let it go, let it be blown by the wind


	23. Princess

would you hold my hand, and dance with me in the rain

would you search for me in the crowd, just to meet my gaze

would you call me, if the world is ending?

would you hold me, if everybody was around?

or would you walk away, and leave everything behind


	24. Bona Fide

perfect angel, were you?

bullshit slipped from your mouth

found out the truth,

shrugged off what I sensed

'twas a mistake to trust

I'd rather walk away than be deceived

behind those piled lies,

figuring out what was real

played in the palm of hands,

who had the control, was it really me?


	25. Induratize

anger, in every detail I have something to say

disgust, you have knocked on the wrong door

matter, I'll grant what you've been manifesting

rage, to drag and burn you down with me

control, you've forgotten what I'm capable of

vile? you should have known better.

but it was pure and it adores,

so I'm keeping the mark you've left,

for when I think of you everyday, I'll be reminded.


	26. Broken

I gasped for air, a lump is forming in my throat

you smash my heart with every words you utter

you keep giving me the cold stares that completely bruise me

we argued back and forth and burnt the corners of these walls

you turned your back and it kept me bleeding

I'm on my knees but you shut the door and walked away,

..and so are my remaining hopes


	27. Lacuna

I was lying in bed we used to sleep in

one day I just woke up without you there

I forgot your warmth, forgot how your love felt like

I know your name but you seem so unfamiliar

I was trying to recall how we used to be

I was trying to hear my heart when I think of you

but there was nothing, not even a little bit

feels like there was a massive brick wall

separating all the good memories

and all I could see was the awful ones,

that causes tears, sadness and pain,

I was standing in the place that never existed


	28. You

we took a different path twice

after coming back together,

holding on to thinnest of thin,

letting our wounds remain open

living in lies and constant apologies

and if you're someone to just teach me a lesson

I want you to teach me all over again

teach me I'm not worth this pain,

not teach me to no longer want you


	29. Cosmos

I was sending flares,

but you weren't looking in the sky

I was offering you flowers,

but you left it behind,

I was looking at you,

straight in the eyes,

I was looking for a bit of a spark

but there was none

it was all gone.


	30. Nostalgia

and when you miss me I want you to say my name

I want you to recall that I was once yours,

when you think of me I want you to close your eyes

and I hope you know I no longer belongs to you

that I hope the reason why will haunt you every single night


	31. Changes

I remember the nights we talked, there's a smile on my face

the picture frame on the wall in front of my bed witnessed it

I remember, 1 o'clock am, you confessed your love and so did I

the picture frame on the wall in front of my bed witnessed it

I remember our fights, I put my phone down,

trying to breathe while tears are streaming down my face,

the picture frame on the wall in front of my bed witnessed it

for when I miss you, for when I think of you

the picture frame on the wall in front of my bed witnessed it

the same place I see from when I'm done talking to you

for when I wake up with you, for when I lost you

that wall is still there but our love wasn't anymore

that wall with a picture of me smiling,

little did she know what was coming,

and that wall, will never be the same, it was no longer the same


	32. Gasp

could you? could you hear my sobs?

behind your friends' laughs?

the pain echoing, each time they throw words at me

could you see how it bruise me?

'cause you were just watching.

I let myself be scarred,

your words mean to me and its the death of me

I closed my eyes and sighed every bad memories

I want to forget, and I don't want to remember

'cause when I think of you, all I am is hurting


	33. Behind

your mind is at war with your heart

between two roads you've finally chosen a path

and you chose to walk away from me

but I saw it coming as we speak

and if it will bring you peace

I won't let myself be in the same place with you again


	34. Remains

we tied our souls

but now that we're apart

there are still pieces of us

left in each other


	35. Seconds

and when I think of you

I couldn't remember why I have loved you

the reasons of admiring you

is running out every single day

and I asked myself,

did you live in my heart

or in my head


	36. Tired

its raining again

which reminds me of you

and as it pour,

I'm wishing it could wipe away

everything I feel too


	37. Wrong

I burn everything I touch

and all I could do is wish,

for someone to come and hold me

and if you think I'm fine

I want you to know

that the day you left me

my heart didn't stop grieving

for the love it lost


	38. Ache

everyday, its always the battle between

wanting you, missing you

and I no longer want you

you weren't the person I love

the kisses and you holding me

it was all ruined

how else would you think I'll stay

if you think of me differently?


	39. Nightmare

and everytime I want to give up,

I think of the times you held me and kissed my forehead

but everytime I fall asleep,

you weren't the person I thought you were in my dreams

each day I feel relieved in the thought of you caring for me

and sink in the thought of it all as not genuine

wondering but I'd rather not know the answer


	40. Caress

your head on my chest, while I play with your hair

listen to our favorite song with a smile on our faces

I closed my eyes as I teared with my heavy breathing

it is just a dream to hold what was once mine


	41. Hide

I cupped your face and caresses your cheek

I can't see the pain in your eyes, you're good at hiding it

I find unfortunate comfort with your burning touch,

that I wouldn't be able to heal 'cause, I got used to hurting way too much

but you're free now as I turn into ashes, covering my heart that calls your name

I suffocated you unknowingly but you made it seem all okay

apologies from my heart, it never meant to hurt you in anyway

you should've told me as I thought our heart beats the same

we are now sailing going further from one another

while the sun still shines I hope this won't be the last goodbye


	42. Longing

you might be happier now,

and I might be selfish if I say I need you

but I do need you and its an ache everyday

for trying to survive without you

days have passed and everytime I close my eyes

I imagine you walking down the aisle,

holding your hand and kissing your forehead

it repeated every other night,

but my heartbeat is slowly fading away everytime

like the leaves falling off the trees,

like a war at rest, dead silence


	43. Breathless

I don't know how long will it take

for me to be able to sleep,

without a heavy heart

for me to wake up,

without feeling abandoned

for me to have a peace of mind

I don't know how many times

do I have to wait til night

for me to be able to cry

I don't know how long it takes

for the sun to set

for the leaves to fall

for the soul to be free


	44. Left

written in my head are the things I want to say to you

and everyday, I wash them away with my tears

while burning every ounce of feeling I have for you


	45. Hopeless

in this bed, I surrender all my worries

in this bed, I leave all my thoughts

in this bed, I bury my battles

in this bed, I let myself consume peace

and nothing could ever bother me again.


	46. Rain

there's a calamity in my heart

tears poured like a raging typhoon

wind of thoughts whispering so loud

it was heavy and uncontrollable


	47. Ticket

you're a place I admired,

but will never comeback to

a one stay visit and its done

way too good for me,

and way too sad for me

because its not my home.


	48. Prayers

heaven is here and it calls your name

as I pray to saints to give you to me

I thought its a sign that you're the one

indeed a sign, a warning for my heart,

but I refused to hear and so the angels wept.


	49. Dreams

and when everything gets too much

she takes a nap

and when she closes her eyes

the tears still slip away

the memories never escaped


	50. No more

I scrubbed the wall we painted with our memories

nothing is left but stain of past that no longer matters

you became the most precious thing in my life

and now someone I no longer want to be part of


	51. Exile

picked up a rock and hit my own head

there's a bed but I chose to lie on cold hard floor

this is how it feels when I couldn't make anything right

this heart has had enough to know what it wants

but it scares me, even if my mind has made a decision

I'd stand still in one place and wait for you,

if it meant another moment of lifetime with you


	52. Homesick

you've underestimated your power over me

no matter how much you hurt me, I don't think I can ever be mad at you

I would even beg you just so I could have a little space in your heart

just a little place and I didn't have to matter that much

I just need to know you're here for me too like you used to,

to be a part of you, because you're my only home


	53. Loud

you got your vulnerability on your sleeve,

you push me away and wouldn't let me see the secrets on your skin

but you refuse to take a look while I lay everything about me

afraid I'm telling the truth, afraid I'm still the same

as all you could see about me is the past that will never erase your mind

the pain I caused you blocked your sight and you no longer want to listen

and I pray every night for you to realize I wouldn't beg if I was the same


	54. Fine line

I planted seeds of hatred in my heart and water it as it grows taller

a vine of grudge creeping from my bones through my soul

I could never forget the times I was stabbed right in the heart

I could never forget the times I was always misuderstood

I was born empty, raised with cuffs and molded as a monster

none of this world I ever liked as I grew apart from everything

until you came and I didn't even ask for someone like you

who loved me at my worst, who looked at me differently

who held the huge burden I am, who joined me in my cage

who were you? you showed me the possibility of happiness

why do you still want me even if I burn you with my touch

why do you still love me even if I told you so I will only ruin you

and for once I was willing to take off the mask I've been wearing for years

a scintilla of hope you gave me, like the light you saw in me when no one else did

but as I was trying to rebuild the wall that surrounded me

it all fell as you left me, cos even you couldn't bare to have someone like me

just like what everybody says I don't deserve any good thing in this world

and as I thought I failed, I broke free and grew my wings all in a hard way

and you played a big role in changing me, nobody sees it but I do, I did change

and you weren't the lost hope but the final test for my growth


	55. Nothing

never thought you'll be far from me,

never thought I'll wake up without you

but here I am, and I couldn't remember you

but none of these fun times, money and friends

could ever replace, the happiness I feel

when I'm with you, or at least I thought so


	56. Used to be

when I come home, nobody misses me,

when I wake up my inbox is empty,

when I sleep there are no sweet dreams,

when something happened, nobody was there,

when my world collided, it did everyday


	57. End

and I asked the Lord, if I am worth this pain

crash my bones that I won't be able to stand

drown me with waves I wouldn't be able to breathe

make sure to punish me so I would learn

I looked everywhere and nothing matters

but my heart felt everything

I was staring at the blank ceiling

now that you're not here

would I survive?


	58. Dissipated

home awaits on this mystical voyage

but every step you take away from me,

a tear glistens on my cheek

panic closed up my throat,

voices whispering things I couldn't make out,

the thought of life without you made me shudder

I pray to God, to give you to me

and I won't ask for anything again

but then I remember, I promised to Him,

I will endure all the pain

just take you away from me,

if I'm not good enough for you

and so He listened.


	59. a/n

In fear of being a burden to others, I told myself I would keep writing here every time I'm hurting, to channel my emotions. And for that, this is the result. I am far from okay but writing this book helped me so much to express myself and I can say that I'm actually proud of the outcome as it all came from my heart.

This book is NOT yet edited, and I'm aware that I'm not fluent in English but I'll do my best to polish it. Also a lot may change when I start editing it. Thank you if you reached this page and for taking the time to read Moonstruck. It is very well appreciated, none of these will be here without my tears. I guess with this book, I'm mainly sending the message that endings sometimes are painful but there is a silver lining to it. That you might be broken and confused or anything you feel but remember all of it was once love.

I first published this book in wattpad, @bruisedwings you'll find me there as well, Thank you!


	60. Decay

starting a new poetry book: Decay, hope you check it out!


End file.
